WHAT I REALLY DO & WHY
I design, I animate.
I do it because I love it and I can't imagine working with anything else, at least not for now. I'm happy I've taken myself this far but I know I can't stay here.
Since high school I've had a slowly but steadily growing fear of not being happy with my life; stagnated, hating my job.
This fear has since then driven me to do better and to develop myself, always trying to be in a productive state. I guess it's sad that it all comes back to fear, but the more my passion for design, animation, photography, videography etc has crystallized the more this fear has turned into love for what I do and the joy of creating. To me there is no better feeling than getting to 90% completion on a passion project and feeling: "holy shit, this will probably turn out really good!". This feeling simply trumps all.
I have been consciously working on transferring that fear into joy and it gets easier and easier the more I get to know myself. The fear is still there and might never go away, but at least it's being somewhat balanced up by joy and passion.
Ultimately I am glad that I have this fear because it keeps pushing me to get better and not be happy with the way things are.
Perhaps I shouldn't even call it fear. Yes there is fear there, of wasting my life and feeling that I could've done and become more, but also a strive to be the best I can be and not look back at my life with regret.